RE: The Prints of an Ogre (Beta version)
Author's note: I wrote this text in response to my favorite author admitting in his notes and BIOS that he was paid to write homophobically by his publishers. At the time they sold. So I am writing him an "out" on my personal favorite of his various series. Being aquatinted with Piers Anthony's Xanth series helps, but hopefully I am keeping it as a stand alone story. This is VERY rough copy at this point. Please excuse my grammar, and "insert sea monster here's. Thanks for the read, and hopefully for the feedback.
The magician Dolph's twin.
Richard "Dolph In" Fahey.
Ida was enjoying her trip the isthmus. The crimson tides caused an interesting effect here at the Fringe of magic. They lightly slapped the boat that she and Esk Ogre were taking on her tour. She knew that this color on the tide meant that she was outside a section of mundania known as Florida.
In fact it was a visiting archivist named Ichabod who first got the idea for it. You see Ideas were special for Ida. When someone who didn't know Ida's talent got an idea, she could make it come true.
Talents were special in Xanth. Each person had a unique talent all of his own. It could be as simple as making the leaves on the nearest tree turn purple. Certain talents were classified as magician class because of their general power level. Her father could speak to inanimate objects. He could ask the road itself where it goes, and the road would tell him. That is if he paved the way by being nice.
She had been in a grouchy mood of late, with all the rules and things' princesses needed to know. She enjoyed the reading lessons and the things she was learning about Xanth. There were regions here she hadn't even dreamed could exist, Xanth being as varied as it was. She wanted get out and explore and really needed a break from "Princess Training" as she privately called it.
One of the places she wanted to visit was the fringe of magic. She had read a paper by Ichabod Mundane and knew which parts of Mundania connected to Xanth at what color.
Although bloody and awful there were periods of mundane "Technology" growth that rivaled some of Xanth's magic. Sure they had built cherry bombs so powerful that they could destroy most of mundania. "Atom Bombs" they called them. She thought that was because mundanes thought that would be a good way to get at 'em.
However, They could talk to people all over the world. It worked sort of like a Magic Mirror, except it was voice only during the period that Ichabod came from. Ida thought that was a bit phoney. How could they talk not see the persons face? She had to face it- mundanes were strange, but fascinating.
Esk had come to castle roogna looking for a little adventure. His Brassy wife was spending some time in the Gourd visiting relatives. Although he loved his wife dearly, he was not in the mood to visit his mother in law. Somehow he guessed that she was resentful of Esk, because of the closeness between her and his father. Not to mention the gourd was a strange place.
When they brought Esk to her, He had said that he wanted an adventure that he could make the most people happy. She knew immediately that it would work. It was wonderful the way her talent helped people, but all the sudden she felt a "tug" -- something inside her that told her not to let Esk know what her talent was. It was strange, she had never actually "felt" her talent telling her anything.
"What a wonderful talent you must have to be a princess" said Esk Ida had to think quickly and there was no sand around. Luckily a fast snail tore through the garden distracting Esk momentarily. She had seen them before delivering mail back and forth across Xanth. "I am a Princess because I am the sister if Ivy" she said. Esk wasn't satisfied with the answer, but took the hint that she didn't want to discuss it.
When King Arnolde arrived with Ichabod she had to meet him. After reading Arnolde's paper, she wanted to talk with him. She had to ask him things about mundania, almost an overriding impulse to speak with him.
"King Arnolde! Could you introduce me to that kind distinguished archivist friend of yours?" said Ida. Arnolde laughed as he saw his friend blush. "Princess Ida, Archivist Ichabod" he said almost as the laugh started. It was quite UnCentaur like behavior for someone his age. However, sometimes a laugh was like that. It could make a bad situation good in a moment. Soon all three were smiling and chatting away about Mundania.
After a time, Ichabod was exhausted in the subject. He couldn't go on. He loved educating any Xanthie that "Yes there are a lot of bad things about mundania, but it isn't all bad. There were some positive things going on in mundania too.", he would say.
Most Xanthie's experience with Mundania dealt with the Waves. Yes, they were a scourge on Xanth, but Xanth needed more humans. They tended to breed themselves into all kinds of creatures, such was the power of the love spring. Ichabod was one of the rare mundanes that most Xanthies felt comfortable with. Of course having Arnolde as a companion helped a lot.
They were coordinating an immigration of various peoples from the "Modern" period of Mundania. A select few people. There was a massive human shortage in Xanth. Even with the influx of new human stock that was coming into Xanth sense Trent's time, it still wasn't enough. The humans and other mundane stock were still crossbreeding and mutating themselves out of existence. For some reason the birth rate was different in Xanth than Mundania, or so Ichabod had noticed.
Ichabod had a theory about the waves. It seemed that the border of Xanth and Mundania only happened when there was a large number of people walking across it, or when a Xanth born sentient was near. Just as Ichabod was when he came to this wonderful place with actual NightMares and Boot Rear. Yes, he still remembered that lesson.
There was a lot about the border of Xanth and Mundania that was unclear. Most important things in Xanth had clear rules to their operation. The Void is a prime example. You walked in, you were caught, no turning back, unless you could hitch a ride on the back of a Night Mare. Creatures always saw their own species when there were other creatures there.
About the time that Ichabod was exhausted, Esk walked in. After a round of Introductions and Ichabod learned of Esk's talent, he got an idea and suggested that Esk help Ida on some exploring. Ida brightened immediately. She was sure it would work.
You see, Esk's talent was Negation. He could simply say "NO" and whatever was happening or what a creature was thinking, it would stop and choose another course. Needless to say it could be a powerful deterrent. And a major safety factor as well.
Esk was all for it, so they decided to speak with the King. Dor/Dolph had major misgivings about Ida getting anywhere near the border of Xanth having had dealings with Mundania on occasion, but he had to concede that Esk Ogre would be a powerful guard for her on her trek. After all there was precedent for budding princes and princesses to start out on quests at the beginning of their career.
Almost as soon as she was off on her quest, the magic mirror was signaling. With a wave of his hand the mirror began to form into the face of Magician Gray. "I know the usual thing in Magician Humphry's organization is to charge a year's service for a question. However, after doing some research on future clients, we stumbled onto a case were Ida
is directly involved. I called to give you this advice. Although your heart will wrench and you will feel your daughter's pain, don't interfere in her quest. The happiness of many people, more than you are aware of depends on her." said Gray.
"Is there anything we can do to help her?" Asked the Queen. "No offense intended, your majesty. Stay out of it. Watch her during her quest, both of you. You will need to know what is going on." said gray.
Esk led the way out of the garden. He knew the territory well.
...
Plot filler ending up with Esk and Ida at the Border of magic in a boat.
...
...
Then Esk saw two men with a mundinish look to them. They had smiles on their faces to be sure. However evil people smiled a lot too. "I think we need to see these people" Ida said in a way that showed that she wasn't thinking. Ida then instructed the boat to take them ashore a little ahead of the Mundanes.
"No" said Esk, his caution about mundanes obvious. The boat spun in place a few times or at least that is the way Esk saw it.
The Mundanes saw the boat swerve and then spin madly their way that was spooky. Esk looked up to see the mundanes even closer.
"Don't worry, I have a feeling about this" whispered Ida. Esk knew Ida was warned about mundanes and that they could be dangerous. Why was she doing it?
"Strange, my talent has never failed me before," Esk said "I intended to stop us from going to shore" Esk was more puzzled as time went on. She had to be a sorceress, but what type of talent? She would evade the subject whenever it came up, finally telling him that it was in his "best interest" not to know. Just like women, all their little secrets.
"Ho! Fair maiden and Kind sir!" yelled one of the mundanes. "Do you come in peace?" "Yes!" Ida returned. Esk was getting very nervous about this, but Ida somehow knew that this was right.
When the mundanes arrived at the boat, Esk could see them a lot clearer. One of the mundanes was blond, thin, pale, and wearing Spectacles. Ida wondered how he got them in Mundania, but then they were doing some strange things there. The other man was Dark hared, well built and an ear to ear grin. Something within Esk was both attracted to them and repelled by them for no definable reason.
"By chance, is this Xanth?" asked the blond man. Both Ida and Esk jumped at that. A mundane, fresh over the border knowing about Xanth? Ida had said that some of the volumes of the History of Xanth had leaked out into Mundania, but they were thought of there as fiction. She also had said that some Ogre was making all kinds of mundane money selling them. She had thought that the ogre was silly, because mundane money brought more problems than it solved, at least from what she had read of Mundania.
"Who are you?" Esk asked bluntly. The dark hared man spoke up and said "I am David and this is Richard. I am assuming that this is Xanth, but you know what they say about that." Momentarily all four of them looked like a donkeys. Richard began laughing uncontrollably, sputtering "We made it in!" between laughing. Soon it spread, first to David then to Ida, and finally Esk began.
"And whom do we have the pleasure of meeting?" asked Richard. "This is Eskil Ogre, Esk for short. I am Ida human" said Ida. "Princess Ida?! The Princess Ida?" exclaimed Richard.
When they had calmed down, Ida said " Yes I am. What brings you to Xanth, mundanes? And how do you know of us?"
"Richard and I are searching for a place where we could be 'accepted' as well as safe " said David using his fingers to show quotation marks around the word accepted. Esk thought it was great that he managed to show at least an ' on his sentence. Not bad for a mundane.
"And I know of Xanth from the ogre's books. After a time, I began to believe that Xanth might be real" continued Richard. "And we were going to be in the area anyway, so a walk down the beach couldn't hurt." finished David "I guess I should have paid more attention to your book collection Richard".
You could tell they had a close friendship, the way they seemed to know each other's thoughts and didn't mind being finished for. A question look bounced from David to Richard and an "its OK" look was returned.
"Yes I'm sure that you will find a place." said Ida. She always seemed so positive when meeting people. Richard broke out an ear to ear grin at that point.
Esk was groaning inside. Mundanes. How can it make the most people happy by helping two mundanes? Why did he agree to help the princess? Why wouldn't she tell him her talent?
Soon they had the mundanes aboard and were heading south. Richard had suggested that it might be a good idea to visit the Good Magician, as he of all people should understand the depth of the problem. Ida said "I don't think that it would be much a problem, as there were several villages in Xanth that would be willing to have a few mundane men around for breeding stock. Xanth needed more humans. Neither of you would have any trouble finding a woman, as you both are very handsome."
Esk saw Richard sigh. "I believe the Magician would understand" said Richard "it is a bit trickier than that".
Insert sea monster here
_ _ _a_a _ _ _{.`=`.}_ {/ ''\_ _ {.`'`.} {.' _ '.} {| ._oo) { \ {/ .-. \} {/ .' '. \} {/ | ~jgs^~`~^~`~^~`~^~`~^~^~`^~^~`^~^~^~^~^~^~`^~~`
They arrived on the southern side of the Gap later on that afternoon. The Isle of Illusion looked like there was a huge party going on, with many colored bits of string and people milling about, chatting. Ida knew of the Isle of Illusion, it was basically uninhabited now, as Queen Iris would allow her talent to vacation there while she was visiting the Brain Coral.
They ate from the pie trees, something that Richard took to right away, but David had some caution about. "How can I know what is safe? " "For right now, trust me" said Ida "You will learn quite a bit about Xanth at the good magician's castle, provided you can get in." "We know" said Richard after finishing his mouthful.
There was a safe house here in the grove, and the crew decided it would be best to rest and relax before going on. The safe house seemed to be on the edge of a wonderful area with beautiful trees and a lovely pond down the side of the hill.
No need to go down the hill for water at any rate, as there was a running spring that brought water into the house. Richard giggled at the sight of the spring bringing in buckets of water. He always thought that springs bounced, but this one seemed to be running slinky style. David was amazed, but after that encounter with the sea monster, everything else he was meeting seemed anticlimactic.
...
In the middle of the night the house lurched and the floor tilted. The house didn't seem that safe after all. All four of them were suddenly rolling down the floor towards the hillside of the house. All the sudden the wall that they were rolling for opened up and they saw nighttime Xanth outside.
"NO!" Esk screamed and suddenly was no longer falling, but the others kept on going. Esk heard a splash, and Ida's screams stopping. That in itself seemed panicky. Carefully Esk slid down the floor and cautiously stepped outside. There was a steep slide down the side of the hill that they couldn't see before.
When he was down the hill, he saw that Richard, David, and Ida were standing there wet and on the edge of the pond, looking at each other. Ida had the look of a sex starved teenager and a drool on her face as she looked between Richard and David. Both Richard and David seemed unchanged, just a little scared of Ida.
Esk saw a plaque on a rock beside the pond. It simply said "unconditional love spring ". Then Ida noticed the plaque. "It is a strong one" Ida said as if she loved it. Esk was caught by a daymare in the night time. He could see Irene feeding him to a tangle tree for allowing her daughter that she was only now getting to know, to fall in love with not only one, but two Mundanes.
David asked "What is a love spring?" Richard cringed. "No! I didn't want it to come out this way!" he muttered. "What?" demanded Esk. Richard looked like he was trying to think up something. "No." muttered Esk. He could influence the intangibles also.
"I don't think the love spring would effect either of us" Richard said "Much anyway." then looked at Ida. "Impossible! You are mundanes! How could you have any sort of magical defense?" Ida demanded and then "Sorry Baby" as she saw Richard cringe again. However anyone could see that neither of the mundanes was having anywhere near the reaction that Ida was.
"It did have an effect on us" Richard said "That is why I need to tell you something that you will not like. David and I have been lovers for years."
"You are Fairies?!?!" Esk yelled. "You CAN'T be gay! Neither of you seem like pansies!" Ida was just behind.
David glanced at Esk with a sad look then said "Actually I prefer Queer, because I am a bit strange anyway. :)". Ida jumped, how was he able to do that? A sideways smile?
"For you anything, because I love you. I thought you should know. Now as to the Fairy comment, time to dispel a myth. Not all gay men are Queens. Queens are our term for the feminine ones." Richard said "We are a cross section of all of humanity. About 1 in every 10 humans are gay, with another 2 of the 10 being BI-sexual. We have every type, from the Queens to the Butch types"
"Butch? I thought that was a female gay. Are you really a female?" Esk said. He reached over and pushed David hard on the chest. David twisted somehow and Esk found himself on his back. Esk's ogre temper flared up and he began to rush David. As he grabbed him he twisted again and Esk again found himself on his back.
"Stop it!" Ida yelled. And jumped in between David and Esk. Esk began to come to his senses a bit, stood and said "Come out little faggot, stop hiding behind the skirts of a woman" "I thought only straight men did that, my mistake." David countered. "I said STOP IT!" Ida said glaring first at Esk then at David, who smiled and quieted down.
Esk could not be calmed down so easily. "Fags! #&%*ing Fags! What type of quest is this? Help some pansy's get to the Good Magician's castle." "There could be more to your quest than meets the eye." Ida countered.
"You said that 1 in every 10 humans are gay, that is impossible. You are the first I have ever encountered. Or even heard of, outside of the fact that the solders call each other fags when they want to insult each other." Ida said.
"This was a mistake" David said "We should have never come to this place with its phobic people". "Xanth has its light, why else do you think I would have not been such a fan of the series. I did sense on some level that there had to be more to this world than just another fantasy series"
"What do you mean by 'Phobic' Faggot?" Esk bated. For some reason he had been baiting David... Still fishing for a fight. "Homo-phobic, fear of homosexuals. They generally react just the way you are. What are you afraid of little breeder boy? Afraid you might like it?" David said. "I said stop it!" said Ida "Both of you".
"I think that maybe you understand a bit more about my caution about this quest. I can only hope that the Good Magician won't have quite the reaction that Esk here is having. You would almost think that you had never encountered a out gay person in your lives"
"We haven't. That is why your comment earlier seemed out of context, there couldn't be that many gay people in Xanth. Maybe the Good Magician would know why." Ida said. "We should go."
Soon they were all dried and heading down the enchanted path on their way to the castle. David reached over and put his arm around Richard. "No! No fag stuff here" Esk said. David sighed. "ESK! Stop acting like a rear end" Ida said. "It's O.K., we usually can't express our love for each other in public" Richard said.
They arrived at the good magician's castle later on that evening. The first thing they saw was that there was a huge glowing band surrounding the entry way to the bridge. "This is your challenge" Esk said with a growl. "Actually he is right, if you can't make your challenges, you would never survive long in Xanth" Ida said.
Richard and David walked up to the band, and saw that there was a huge knot in the band. "Thsi si srtange ):" said David. Richard wasn't sure if that was a backwards frown, but David had a smile on his face. Richard began to laugh "Thsi si too cuet" and stepped away from the band. "Dyslexics of the world UNTIE!" he yelled adding emphasis by using caps.
The band shuddered and the knot slipped apart. "It's a good thing I have been a punster all my life" Richard said. They walked over the bridge to the castle wall. There was an alcove they started in.
Almost immediately a large white dog with long hair and dripping white powder appeared. This time David was on it "Collie Flour! I don't think we need to worry about that one, he will probably vegetate". The dog barked, and growled. With a ";-)" to Richard, David said "We 'kneed' to take care of this problem" using the finger quote on the word. He then began to move away from Richard. As the dog followed David, he being the bigger one, Richard slipped to the moat and with a huge splash turned all the flour into dough, making it a DOuGh.
Farther down the hall there was a field of lightning, bouncing around in the room, never going out. The current situation came as a shock. "Revolting" obviously resisting things, David said "Before we get too wired we should look around". So they did. Naturally there was a metal pole against the wall. "Time to send the lighting Ohm" he said as he ground his teeth. A quick javelin throw and the lightning was gone.
They walked into the castle, and up the stairs and came to a door. There was some sort of classical music playing and there was a note on the door. It said "Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet. Do what Gray Brays" Both David and Richard looked at that then at each other, then at Ida and Esk who had come up behind.
"Hello!" Richard turned and saw an average college boy looking type. "You must be Richard and David. Puter said you would be arriving about now." Esk jumped at the name. He had heard of ComPuter. "Don't worry, he is a nice machine now, in fact that is the only reason you two made it in isn't it?"
"We had met someone across the nets that went by Xanthie. The handle caught my eye. He said that he wanted to meet, he said that I could find his place if I walked down the beach in Florida at a certain time. Often people are cautious about meeting up with people beyond the nets, so neutral ground is cool" Richard said.
"Just who is this ComPuter?" David asked. "ComPuter is a machine that was created by some of the very powerful beings of Xanth to record reality. However something went wrong and instead of recording reality, he changes it. only locally. Revising the script is what he calls it." said Ida. Her Xanthie education was coming in handy.
"Well I was instructed to usher all 4 of you onto a carpet and send you to him. He will explain, then you will come back here to get your answer, once you have a better grasp of the problem"
Soon they were on their way with a packed lunch of tsoda water, and cheese sandwiches.
Upon arrival to Puter's cave, they went down the stairs.
GREETINGS DOLPH! HOW ARE YOU?
Richard spoke up "Now Puter! You know that will only cause confusion here. Use my real name"
OK! OK! IT WAS YOU USING DOLPH AS YOUR HANDLE THAT GOT MY ATTENTION YOU KNOW?
"Yes. That will be an interesting meeting. I always was a fan of shapeshifters. Anyway why have you brought us here?"
FOR THAT YOU NEED TO WATCH MY SCREEN.
ESK SUDDENLY KNOWS THE SCRIPT FOR THIS AND ACTS AS NARRATOR.
Puter's screen blurred and showed a tall man standing behind a pulpit. "This is the Magician Fundie. It early in the history of Xanth. Fundie's talent is the Holier than Thou. Whenever he saw something that he didn't approve of, he could put them in a Hole. This hole is like a little gourd, but it physically holds the people and things. He can decide the environment that he is putting them in within survival ratios. He couldn't kill them. Something about the Hole being eternal or something. That's not to say that he couldn't make them uncomfortable, as he could do almost anything in setting it up. Of course he could pull them back out of the hole at will. He could simply say "I banish Joe Blow" and then "I retrieve Joe Blow" and Joe Blow would be standing there in front of him. More insidious was that he could do it like "I banish Joe Blow to Hellfire" and that person would be put into a fiery hole. Of course, they always would survive even the heat of the hellish place, for they couldn't be killed from Fu ndie's talent. Feeling the pain of the burn was another story.
He learned quickly that he needed to believe that his cause was just. When he tried to use his talent to cause mishap and other shenanigans, it wouldn't work. If he believed that they deserved it, he could (and would) use his talent.
He still held the holy book that his father brought in from Mundania by his father. He preached about what it said. It gave him power. Anyone not following what the book said was within the range of his talent.
"Fundie was a closet homosexual, not even he knew he was gay so, good at hiding he was. He would lash out and attack magically whenever he came across another gay man. He was so terrified that if anyone found out, he could never be king. Fundie's talent was strong. Much stronger than he ever knew."
Day by day his hatred grew, twisting in his guts. Mostly at himself for not being able to control the fact that it was men who hunted his dreams and not women. Not the way a "normal" person would feel. It was confusing him. He wasn't girlish. "All fags are fairies. Didn't everyone know that? I can't be a fag. No way" Fundie would say to himself.
He would amuse himself by taunting the fags. Pull them out of their hole above water, let them splash around, and then banish them back. One of his funniest games yet was to pull one of them out of Hellfire, then ask them if they wanted something to drink. When the fag begged for it, he would say that he needed to take a P. Fag says no, he burns for longer. Of course if they did, then they really were fags, and really needed to remain. In reality they would never be released. They would tell how much he enjoyed having them down on him.
Out of his hatred, and idea grew. He knew he could handle groups of people, because he summoned whole villages at a time, giving them a sample of what Hellfire was like on the way. They would listen to him that way.
One evening it boiled over. "I banish all fags, and Dikes currently existing in Xanth, and every one that would develop into one into a Hole where they will be beaten at random by demons and have no way of healing themselves afterwards."
"Fundie invoked his talent and in a Pop, he and every other gay human, animal and crossbreed in Xanth disappeared."
NOW THAT I AM A GOOD MACHINE, I NEED TO START DOING GOOD THINGS. I AM ALMOST SORRY I EVER DEALT WITH THAT MAGICIAN MURPHY. IT IRRITATES ME, BUT THAT LACUNA WOMAN WAS CUTE ANYWAY. :)
DID I GET THE SMILE RIGHT?
"Yea you got it right, now if you could only stop yelling. ;)" said Richard.
THAT IS THE WAY I WAS BORN! MY CAPS LOCK KEY WAS STUCK AND I CAME OUT IN REVERSE. THAT IS WHY I CAN DO THE THINGS I DO. I HAVE SHARED THIS WITH YOU, BECAUSE IF I DO NOT SUCCEED IN THIS VENTURE, MY LIFE WILL NOT BE WORTH LIVING ANYMORE. YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CHANGE ME BACK TO MY INTENDED ROLE AS A RECORDER OF REALITY. MY LIFE WILL BE FULFILLED IF I SUCCEED. I WILL HAVE NO REASON TO CONTINUE IF YOU FAIL.
THERE IS A WAY, BUT I DO NOT KNOW HOW. MAYBE HUMPHRY WILL KNOW. THERE IS A GOOD REASON FOR HUMPHRY TO HELP YOU, THERE ARE MAGICIANS TRAPPED! HOW MANY OR WHAT THEIR TALENTS ARE, I HAVE NO IDEA. REMEMBER YOU SUCCEED IN THE CHALLENGES.
OH BTW(by the way in bbspeak) IDA, I'M SORRY TO BE PRODDING YOU THROUGH A FRIEND OF MINE. YOUR TALENT IS NOT ACTING STRANGE. BEAR WITH IT I KNOW IT IS HURTING YOU SOMETHING FIERCE KNOWING THAT THE MEN THAT YOU LOVE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, SEXUALLY AT LEAST.
"I love them anyway" Ida said "And would do anything to help them."
GOOD! THEY WILL NEED YOUR HELP. AND YOU ESK. IT IS SCARY FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH RICHARD AND DAVID. DON'T WORRY, JUST PROTECT THEM AND LET THEM BE. THIS IS YOUR QUEST. THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE THERE. AND THEY ARE SUFFERING. SOME OF THE DEMONS FROM THE HELLS COME IN AND BASH THEM FOR THE HELL OF BEATING THEM UP JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY AND BECAUSE HAVE NO HEALING AFTERWARDS.
CAN YOU LET YOUR OWN BIAS GO AND HELP THESE PEOPLE, OR ARE YOU NO BETTER THAN THE FAG BASHING DEMONS?
Esk looked down at his shoes and muttered something under his breath then "What are we supposed to do? Turn a bunch of pooper-pumpers loose on Xanth? Let the faggots burn in their own hell. I don't buy your reason in this. Why do you want to do this Puter?"
IT IS *NOT* A HELL OF THEIR MAKING. FUNDIE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING USED HIS TALENT. IN ANY CASE, CAN NOT TELL YOU MY MOTIVATION RIGHT NOW. HOWEVER I CAN SAY THAT I HAVE A VERY (irk) GOOD ONE. I COULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE HIDING ESK, BUT THAT SHOULD COME OUT IN ITS OWN TIME.
XANTH HISTORY WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH DIFFERENT IF I HAD NOT INTERFERED THEN. YOU MISSED THE BAND OF LOVERS COMING TO YOUR AID DURING WAVES. YOU ALSO MISSED A GAY MAN BY THE NAME OF GATEKEEPER. HIS TALENT WAS TO KNOW THE INTENTION OF ANYONE CROSSING INTO XANTH, AND TO GENTLY NUDGE THEM BACK INTO MUNDANE SPACE BEFORE THEY EVER WERE AWARE OF BEING IN XANTH, IF HE WAS IN THE AREA. HE WAS AN EFFECTIVE GUARD FOR THE XANTHIE BORDER. HE SINGLE HANDEDLY STOPPED A WAVE FROM A PART OF MUNDANIA KNOWN AS "VIETNAM" ARMED WITH WEAPONS THAT COULD TAKE OUT A DRAGON AT A DISTANCE.
DID YOU KNOW WHERE THE TERM FAGGOT COMES FROM? I WILL TELL YOU. IT CAME FROM A PERIOD OF MUNDANE HISTORY KNOWN AS "MEDIEVAL". AT THAT TIME IN MUNDANE HISTORY, THEY WERE BURNING EVERYONE WHO DID NOT THINK THE WAY THE CHURCH THOUGHT. AT THE TIME, GAYS WERE THOUGHT TO BE MAGICAL, AND MAGIC WAS NOT WHAT THE CHURCH THOUGHT SHOULD BE AVAILABLE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC. SO THEY WERE FORCED TO CARRY BUNDLES OF STICKS CALLED "FAGGOTS" TO THEIR OWN BURNING.
THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN OPPRESSED THROUGHOUT MUNDANE HISTORY, AS WELL AS XANTH HISTORY. I FOR ONE THINK THAT THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE FREE. XANTH HISTORY WILL BE A LITTLE LESS BLOODY.
I CAN'T CONTINUE.
MUNDANES AND PARTY RETURN TO HUMPHRY'S CASTLE.
As the party left they discovered that the carpet was waiting on them right outside of the door. They got on and barely got sat down when it took off. They saw right below them was a massive arena with several bears and bulls running back and forth across the area. David looked at Richard, and who simply said "Stock Market. The market looks bullish right now, as they seem to be on top, but that is prone to change." "Do I have puns as bad as this to look foreword to?" asked David. "No, " replied Richard "This was an old one. Usually they are much worse". David only groaned.
When the party arrived at the castle it was cloaked in a heavy field of light. The carpet dropped the party off at the bridge. There was a field of light in the way. It felt like a wall to Richard, David and Ida. Esk, however had no problem. "I guess you are supposed to go on ahead, Esk" said Ida. "Yea, but the question is, do I want to?" said Esk.